February 23rd. Week 4 and he is almost back out of it. There has been productivity, some intimacy and general clear thinking. It’s a good thing.
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When he’s down in that deep place, it’s really difficult for even me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything seems final, seems like the world has shifted to a new order and I question whether or not it’s an order I can live with. The main thing is my empathic nature; if my guard isn’t up (I try to keep it up a lot, most of the time in fact, because human emotions affect me greatly, kind of like a chameleon, but I have to work hard at choosing when) then it’s very easy to feel and get caught up in what he’s feeling because we’re in such close quarters/rapport and it becomes almost as hard for me to claw my way back up as it is for him. It’s like I’m Rogue.
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Before it has been “only” 3, 4 maybe 6 days. This has been 4 weeks. I’m tired, so tired of keeping that guard up; it takes a LOT out of me and it’s all I can do to get out of bed and be mom, never mind anything else. However, I can see the finish line now. I can make it to then. He’s coming “home.”
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